Who do you refer to as your friends? Is he the person who spends the most time with you? Or the person who is always there in times of trouble? Is this a really good definition of a friend or just an interpreted meaning of what a true friend should be?
We could look up the meaning in a dictionary, but anyone could. And that will not change the answer you have within your own thoughts. What do you truly feel is a true friend, what do you think is a true friend?
The reason I bring this up is because someone I once thought was a good friend of mine, when I really paid close attention to him as well, was not a very good friend to me. My definition of a friend is someone who has views and beliefs similar to yours. Someone you can relate to and who you think understands how you feel.
To dig into this, a friend should be a give and take type of relationship, and not just give or take, but be equal on both sides of the spectrum. Without that balance, you are taking advantage of someone, in which unfortunately many confuse a friendship and think that this is how it should be.
Also, a friend should encourage and support a friend’s decision, if he knows and believes in his friend’s choice. There will be times when friends will disagree, which is fine, everyone has the right to choose for themselves. But continuing to believe in them, even though they don’t particularly care about the cause, is what a friendship is all about.
In my particular situation I had a friend, let’s call him Bob to protect his name here. Who was going through hard times, his girlfriend at the time of 3 years didn’t treat him like crap, I didn’t know he was contributing too much, but I felt bad for him and befriended him and helped him out. I let him stay with us and my family when he finally decided to leave her and stood up for him. We talked and got to know each other better, and became decent friends, or so I thought. I soon found out what a friend he was to him when he came to live with us.
At first things seemed good, our agreement was for him to recover and find a place of his own. I know he needed to get some funds back from his work before he got a place, so he knew it could be a few months before he could make any significant steps. A few months went by and it seemed like nothing else had happened, he was feeling at home and there wasn’t much progress in trying to move on. He started making her pay rent to help speed things up and cover his expenses that he increased while he was in our home.
And all this time, we were further out of touch than when we were not in the same household. Come to find out that she’s been spending her time building another relationship after getting out of the one she’s been in. She wanted the best for him, but was warned that it might not be the right time to start another relationship.
So fast forward, and now Bob and his new girlfriend were living with us! I don’t know how it came about, but he did it. When you think they’re friends, sometimes you’re blinded to their manipulated ways. Although it was brief before they got their own place together, it still happened.
To bring you back to the present, Bob and his new girl, whom I’ll call Bertha, split up and took all his stuff. Even though I warned him about the relationship to begin with, I was still there for him. Now, going back a bit, I got involved in my own business and brought him in too, because I knew he could help him like he has helped us. In order to get more involved in my business and spend more time with family I felt it was time to change jobs, I told Bob this and he said he was crazy and my business would fail me.
Now I know it seems like I’ve gone a long way off course here about who our real friends are, but this example explains more than any words I can write, through personal experience. I realized at that moment that he was not my friend, because he did not support me, but more importantly, he did not believe that I would ever get out of the 9 to 5 race that most people believe is the only option. . I didn’t realize how much of a friend he wasn’t until I started growing personally myself.
I say all this to say that our friends are those whose belief levels match, and who are not constantly taking, but giving and sharing. Someone who believes in you to get better, and has done it himself, and gives you tips to succeed too. Someone who can pick you up and see things for you before you can see them. One that can help you realize your full potential and help you realize that you can have everything you want.
And friend, if you can relate to this story and have been through something similar, then I want you to know that you have a friend in me. Even though I don’t know you, or maybe never will, I believe in you. You deserve it, and your family too for something better. If you’re looking for a way to do it yourself, I’ll be more than happy to help you achieve it. Or if you’re already on your way, keep going. The only way you will fail is if you give up.