There are right and wrong reasons to get married. The worst thing a person can do to himself is to marry a wife or husband for the wrong reason. There are plenty of wrong reasons why people get married. One of the wrong reasons and perhaps one of the most prominent is to marry out of sympathy.
There are many scenarios under this subheading of sympathetic marriage that relationship coaches experience in the course of counseling and training. Some of the most common are when a woman becomes pregnant as a result of premarital sex and marries someone just because her brother or sister stood her up. Between these two extremes are those who initiate relationships with girls who are being mistreated by those they serve. Some men get involved with neighborhood maids or relatives of their neighbors who are being mistreated. Women also fall for this kind of challenge.
When sympathy forms the basis of a relationship with the opposite sex, it is like playing with a powder keg over a fireplace. Sympathy is a powerful emotion. It is so overwhelming that it becomes difficult for the parties involved to consider the critical elements at the foundation of a joyful relationship, such as friendship, understanding, compatibility, etc. If the man is the sympathizer, he is so enamored with what he sees as the work of the Good Samaritan that he does not consider what the woman is made of, her attitudes, desires and mentality. He doesn’t stop to find out what her life purposes are, what goals she’s focused on, and how all of this might jell into her own desires. If it is the woman who feels sorry for her, she goes through the same emotions and she also begins to think that if she saves the young man, he will be faithful to her forever.
The findings, however, have shown that the truth is far from what these supporters-lovers think. If as a result of your efforts the captive is set free, he or she will do what all captives do, “run away.” Running away from here may not mean running away from their sympathizer-lovers, although that has been known to happen with people who confess that the only feeling they had was to escape from the environment. In many cases, sympathizers-lovers begin to act as saviors and lords. This is usually resisted, first psychologically and then verbally. And there goes your peace and comfort.
The marriage relationship requires both parties to be open to each other. Open: meaning there are no secrets in their hearts that the other partner can’t get into. Once these secret feelings are there, reactive communication takes place instead of receptive communication.
These missions of sympathy when they emanate from premarital sexual pregnancy, the woman does not become fully happy in the relationship. This arises from the fact that as the usual challenges appear on the scene, instead of the woman finding a good reason to endure; she just thinks that she is in a mess caused by the pregnancy. Some have confessed that if they did not get pregnant, there is no way they would end up with the man they are married to. Instead of seeing the usual challenges of marriage and parenting as learning opportunities, they mortify themselves about getting pregnant. And sometimes, they blame the man for putting them in the way of the family. Some blame the child that resulted from the pregnancy. Hatred for a child has been known to grow from such situations creating lasting bitterness.
For men, not having evaluated the character, behavior and temperament of their spouse before marriage due to the overwhelming influence of the emotion of sympathy, when the woman shows her true character, they are usually overwhelmed. They see themselves as having made terrible mistakes. They now live the rest of their lives in regret, withdrawal, or evil or under the influence of these three negative but powerful emotions.
We need to have it ingrained on the tablet of our hearts that the only good enough reasons to marry someone are the building blocks of a happy relationship. If during a relationship with the opposite sex there is no opportunity to establish a friendship and if both are not clear about the basic purpose of the marriage, then there is no other reason why the relationship should continue beyond the next few hours. .
Interestingly, many marriages are based on sympathy.
Young single adults (ages 18 to 30) and single adults (ages 31 and older) should not marry anyone for the sake of saving face or saving someone from suffering. Rather than corner yourself in this quagmire, why not follow proper dating, courtship, and engagement practices where sexual intimacy is not included? It is necessary to remember that sexual intimacy is only appropriate in a legally married and legal marriage contract. You must remember that the basic purpose of sexual intimacy is primarily for procreation and to build companionship.
The excitement and pleasure that accompany sexual intercourse are meant to invite people to take responsibility for it. Any other use of sexual intimacy outside of legal and legitimate marriage is a violation of the law. And lawbreakers must bear the full weight of the law. In most cases, there would be no outside police to arrest you, no outside court to judge you, and no outside prison to sentence you. But there is an internal version of the police, court and prison and a large farmland where hard labor will be done if you commit this crime.
Wich is the way to go?
Here is the way to go. Instead of focusing on sympathy, those planning to marry should focus on what matters most: the purpose of marriage: companionship and procreation. Remember that the good Lord himself said of Adam in the scriptures: “it is not good for the man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18), so he made Eve to keep him company. Do not forget also that the same Creator gave you the commandment to “multiply and replenish the earth” (Genesis 1:28). However, this is the creator’s approval for sexual intimacy in the marriage relationship with the intentions and purposes clearly explained. Latter-day prophets have clearly stated that “sex between a man and a woman in a lawful and legitimate marriage is ordained of God.” These are the fundamental elements that must be established before continuing in the marriage plan with someone. Both parties must know and fully understand this. This knowledge and understanding would support relationships as the foundations of a building do. Getting married for any other reason is like stopping the building on its roof.