I get a lot of variations on this question. I usually hear from wives who fear that their husbands no longer love them or find them as attractive. Many of these wives feel that they are really trying their best to hold their husband’s interest, but despite her best efforts, they feel that it is slipping away. Many of them ask why spouses eventually begin to lose interest and withdraw affection and if the answer to this question can help them turn things around in their marriage. I will tell you my opinion about it in the next article.
Sometimes just because he doesn’t show affection doesn’t mean the affection isn’t there: Most people would agree that men are generally not as demonstrative as women. While many of us don’t have much trouble sharing affectionate gestures with those we love, sometimes this doesn’t come naturally to men. Usually when I say this to people, some of them respond with something like “well, he was very affectionate when we hung out. He couldn’t keep his hands off me, but now he looks at me like he’s disgusted by him.” to the.”
I know this is a frustrating position to be in. But when we first go out, we’re usually all on our best behavior. We are very careful to show the other person the best version of ourselves. We do this for many reasons, but one of the most persuasive is that we know that when we act in a certain way, we will get a certain response, and the reward we want will usually follow. The man on stage knows that if he is demonstrative and loving, the woman on stage responds very positively, and so the cycle continues.
But when we get married, after a while, the incentive and the cycle tend to change a little. Eventually, some of us take it for granted that our spouse will still be there and still offer the response we want (at least some of the time) without much effort. The problem with this is that in order for everyone to feel safe, understood, and loved, it is often necessary to offer physical reassurances such as gestures of affection.
And sometimes when wives try to express this, the husband sees it as a nuisance or an attachment. But usually a happy middle ground can be reached. And it usually involves showing the husband that this process need not be difficult or undesirable and will ensure that he gets the answer he remembers.
Your marriage culture is work and stagnant: Sometimes, I hear from husbands on the other side of this stage. And many will eventually admit that their lack of affection is, at least in part, the result of a shift in priorities and time allocation. The culture of marriage has changed. Both people have become complacent. And other obligations and priorities eventually take center stage. This is the natural order of things and no one is to blame for this, but it affects our marriage.
Many men admit to me that the playful atmosphere of the relationship has changed. At first, everyone was happy and cheerful, so it was natural and easy to show a lot of affection and to give a lot of reassurance. Today, there is a long history behind this relationship. There are responsibilities and priorities and you both know you’re in this for the long haul. And this is where husbands and wives will see things differently. Men sometimes don’t understand that you still need and want those physical guarantees. That’s why it’s sometimes important to ask about this or spell it out.
Now, that’s not to say that there aren’t some situations where the husband will tell me that he is no longer physically attracted to his wife or that he is no longer in love with her. He sometimes thinks these things are true when they really aren’t. And sometimes, things have really gotten so bad. However, usually the wife can tell the difference between the two.
How to make your husband understand that you need him to be more affectionate: The worst thing you can do at this point is to appear needy or do what he will perceive as demands or an annoyance. Instead, he wants to focus on the positive and wants this process to be one that he finds not too painful. Often a very effective way to do this is to show what you want. If you want me to hold your hand, then take hers. If you want him to be more affectionate with you in public, then take the lead and take the lead.
Some women resent having to do this, and that’s understandable. But, this often only happens in the initial phases. Because once you start getting your desired pay, you’ll usually find that who takes the lead doesn’t really matter, as long as everyone gets what they want.
When your husband begins to do better and show you more affection, shower him with praise. Again, he’ll usually get a much better response if he focuses on the positive rather than the negative.