I used to have a really challenging job. It was stressful and demanding, a lot of pressure and great responsibilities.
I was very good at it too. It really was.
Then I became a father.
In my old job, I was very good at delegating, training, developing and managing people … and rationalizing.
Oh, I could rationalize.
“I may have to work 60 or 70 hours a week, but I am providing security for my daughters, money for college and a comfortable life.”
“Yes, I have to be out of town for a week at a time several times a year, but I am providing a strong role model for my daughters.”
I was a career, hard-working and professional woman. And he was as misinformed as he could get.
I used to say to my husband, “I could never stop working. I would go crazy. I don’t want my life to be about Kool-Aid and paper towels.”
What an idiot.
Then one day, I realized that something had happened to me. There really was no turning point, no momentous epiphany. More like a gradual awakening. I realized that I wanted nothing more than to stay home making Kool-Aid for my girls.
It could have something to do with the fact that after having spent 5 months on bed rest while pregnant with my second child, the first thing I had to do was hire a babysitter so I could get on a plane to a meeting of a week in San Francisco.
Or it could have been that while I was in this meeting, I was asked to go to Florida for 2 weeks to facilitate an acquisition. They didn’t actually ask me, of course, rather they assigned me.
It could have been seeing a photo of my oldest daughter on her first day of school. He was about to walk into his first grade classroom when Dad took the picture and he looked very sad. And where was I? You guessed it … in a meeting.
Suddenly all I could think about was my girls and what the hell was I thinking of leaving them in someone else’s care?
So, I put my career behind; A bittersweet decision at the time, but I haven’t looked back since. And before long I realized that I had vastly underestimated the task ahead.
There have been times when I wonder what happened to all those professional skills.
Where is my patience when my 4 year old daughter has clogged the toilet with her sister’s rock collection? And where are my problem solving skills when I foolishly volunteered to be the Cookie Manager for my daughter’s Girl Scout troop and my little girl keeps opening boxes of cookies and eating them? Where is my sense of diplomacy when someone makes at least one careless comment to one of my children?
It’s good that I got all that experience at my other job before I was promoted to stay-at-home parent.
So to all the moms and dads who have dedicated themselves to caring for their precious children, please consider this my deep reverence for you. You are the bravest and most important people in the world, doing the most challenging and important work in the world. It’s the hardest job I’ve ever had.