Personal space is the area that surrounds a person, which he considers to be his psychological property. Have you ever felt like saying something to someone who is too close to you, “Hey, you space invader. Back off, you’re in my personal space?”
More specifically, personal space refers to an area with invisible boundaries surrounding a person’s body where any intrusion can make them feel uncomfortable. Wikipedia has a very apt description of personal space that is worth taking the time to read to give you a better understanding of this. Edward T. Hall, who created the concept of personal space, introduced the notion of proxemics (the study of the cultural, behavioral, and sociological aspects of spatial distances between individuals).
In his book The Hidden Dimension (1966), he describes the individual dimensions that surround each person and the real distances that they try to maintain from other people, according to subtle cultural rules. Different cultures hold different standards of personal space. The amount of personal space one needs varies depending on who we are talking to and the environment. Hall has divided individual territory distances into 4 areas:
1) 0m – 0.5m: Intimate distance. Has this ever happened at work?
2) 0.5m – 1.2m: personal range for interactions between friends or family.
3) 1.2 m – 3.6 m: Social space for interactions between acquaintances.
4) 3.6 m – 8.0 m plus: public space used for public speaking.
That was done in 1966. I would include at least one more that has happened since then. That is the “ATM range” (ATM), which is at least 1.0 meter. Any closer than that makes me distinctly uncomfortable. They should close the ATMs after 2 am because nothing respectable happens at that time in the morning.
People tend to have an unusually strong, often negative, reaction to space invaders, anyone they believe is invading their personal space. The opposite applies if it is someone they love. Comfortable physical distances also depend on social situation, gender, and personal preferences. The permutations and combinations of situations are almost limitless. In certain social circumstances, you have no choice as to what comes up against you. A crowded public bus or commuter train at rush hour, for example. The importance of personal space in sales is significant and something very few focus on.
One occasion that immediately comes to mind was when I was invited to work with an experienced relationship manager from a company in the wealth building business. He was experiencing an unusual drop in sales. The morning I first observed him it was with pre-qualified leads who had been flown in by the company from out of state to spend the day with him. His husband was a tall, strongly built miner, and his wife was a petite elementary school teacher. He was waiting in the reception area with them. As the relationship manager left his office and entered the reception area, the couple stood up, the woman standing slightly behind her husband.
The relationship manager, after shaking hands with the couple enthusiastically, reached forward, shook the wife’s hand, then proceeded to pull her towards him and give her a hug. Frankly, the man obviously didn’t like this behavior. I was surprised, first because it was only his first meeting, and also that the husband did not react more severely with him for being so daring in invading his wife’s personal space.
In my presence, the Relationship Manager then settled into his normal daily routine and introduction to the couple and finally completed and signed the contract paperwork. The relationship manager then offered me a drink to celebrate. When someone does that, I usually go along with it because it’s a sign that they’re happy with me and it’s free. The next day, under a legal cooling off period, the couple called to cancel.
In an attempt to preserve the contract and while they were guests at the hotel, I walked around the hotel and put them in the lobby. They didn’t change their minds, and over coffee they told me that there was something about the Relationship Manager that they just didn’t like and was too scared to continue.
When pressed for more information, I found that the greeting was the most important issue and only covered a minute or two of a full day. There were other explainable problems, but that deal was unrecoverable. That put the entire company team in doubt. Right there was an overall loss to the company of about $35,000 over time. If you make the same mistake 5 times, that quickly adds up to a $175,000 loss, along with the negative word-of-mouth multiplier effect.
Sellers need to learn more about the importance of personal space and then follow the rules carefully because just missing one item can make or break a sale. As a lighthearted quiz that may help you understand better, let’s take a look at a real-life, everyday situation. High-rise elevators (in Australia we call them ‘elevators’) provide a fantastic demonstration and opportunity to see first hand people’s reaction to their personal space in a public space.
Many of us spend too much time each day riding elevators up and down buildings. So, next time you’re in an elevator, have some quiet, personal entertainment, spending wasted time harmlessly watching people go to great lengths to maintain their personal space even in confined areas like an elevator.
Over the past 10 years, I have observed that elevator behavior has followed society and gradually become faster, less tolerant, and less respectful. It should be noted here that levels of dissatisfaction with elevator users tend to be directly proportional to the height of the building, the number of smokers forced to smoke outdoors on sidewalks, and the number and speed of elevators.
When the doors are first opened, those waiting to enter get used to standing back and waiting for those inside to come out. This no longer seems to apply, and you almost have to fight your way around the races to get into the elevator.
Imagine this happening in your mind; you are waiting to get on an elevator, the elevator arrives and the doors open, the elevator is not empty because someone is already inside. Where is that person standing? They will usually have their backs to the wall in the back left corner when you look at them from the door. The doors close behind you and now you’re both alone in the elevator! Where do you go once you’ve pressed the correct floor button?
You will probably stand with your back to the wall in the right back corner, and both of you will be looking at the elevator floor indicator. The elevator stops again and another passenger enters. Where do they go once they have pressed the button for the desired floor? They go to the front to the left and then the next one moves to the right. Continue, until the elevator is full or you get off.
Now go back in your mind to where there was only one person in the elevator. How do you disturb that apparently unconscious socially acceptable order without doing anything, without touching them or saying something that will upset the other passenger in the elevator? This is purely for fun of course. Moving someone without physically touching or interacting with them is a skill salespeople need.
In an elevator, it’s surprisingly easy to do and much simpler than you might think. This time you enter the elevator, instead of going to your typical corner, try going straight to the far wall and stand right next to that person. You can bet your house that they will advance almost immediately. Expect a sidelong glance when you do. One person, when I experimented with it, once said to me, “what’s wrong with you?” while taking a step forward.
Alternatively, instead of moving to the back, stay in the front with your back to the door looking directly at them, don’t meet their eyes or you may not survive to tell the tale. Don’t smile or say anything. They will almost immediately move to the right back corner. Most of us are familiar with this personal space protocol, but it’s surprisingly predictable, fun, and free.
The point here is that social norms have a great influence on our behavior. All ad agencies recognize that and focus on matching the product to social norms.
As salespeople, it is essential, when interacting with prospects and customers, to be mindful of their personal space. Knowing that you can stay in control of the situation and get people to move in the direction you want without necessarily having to say anything is an art worth developing.
Remember these words from a song by Sting’s magnificent band “The Police”: “Don’t stand, don’t stand like that, don’t stand so close to me!”