Nothing makes a guy more of a coward than being totally in love with a woman. You know those horribly awkward moments when you just want to say the most awesome thing that makes her laugh, or you decide that he likes you, or you give him that last hint of how awesome you really are? Those moments make us the biggest squishy little fluffballs ever, and it’s all based on how we view women. Allow yourself some freedom and even while he is shaking like a coward on the inside, he can be cool and calm on the outside.
Get rid of the idea that you are the only man in the world who will go away and be alone, especially when you tell yourself that you will be alone forever and grow old and die alone. This kind of unrealistic self-talk, which we’ve all been guilty of from time to time, gets you nowhere. Believe it or not, your future does not depend on the interest or disinterest of any woman. Whether tonight or a year from now, there is a very interested, attractive and intelligent woman who would like to meet you, be with you and create some fantasies with you.
Women get nervous too, they just handle it differently. When a man approaches a woman, she is not as calm and collected as she appears. But women seem to have much more cut-throat competition in everything they do. Your friends will take away some of your most inspired relationships if they get the chance. Thus, women have learned the art through much trial, error, and quick learning to cover up their fears and create the impression that everything is under control.
So now we have two nervous individuals coming together pretending everything is fine. Interesting scenario, don’t you think? A little laughter of your own might break the ice. When we can laugh at ourselves, we seem more comfortable with ourselves and at the same time ease our own fears. It’s human nature and it works wonders. Laughing at yourself means understanding that you might say or do something less than stellar. It means treating yourself with the same lack of judgment that you would treat the woman you are interested in. So what if you are ashamed of yourself? It’s only embarrassing if you let it.
Not all women are worth your time. Of course, we can’t know if the potential has any value or not until we open it up and examine it, which requires enough courage to approach it and open a dialogue. Some women will immediately make judgments based solely on appearance. Even if you’re hot and you know it, who wants a woman who can’t see past your good looks and see the real man? Those women will give themselves away, either through rejection or flattery. Once rejected, you would do well to remember that judgment is ugly, so moving forward is cautious. If you use compliments regarding your physical appearance, the choice is yours. I’d dig a little deeper and hope she was just coming out with a lame pickup line.
When women talk back to us, we usually know we can take the ball and run with it. When women don’t talk back to us, we really aren’t always convinced that we are capable of approaching a different woman. When she’s not interested, she moves on. When she’s not flattering or interesting or the kind of woman you expected her to be, she moves on. When she seems interested but you hear a lot of red flags, like constant ramblings about her latest relationship, she goes ahead and makes it quick. There’s nothing like a beautiful woman still stuck in yesterday to make a guy feel incompetent and second class. Never, under any circumstances, get involved with a woman who still regularly talks about her last relationship. Nobody likes to be the rebound type.
Not all rejection is bad. Sometimes women have a sixth sense that men lack that indicates that the potential for a partnership just isn’t strong enough. Women are more likely to avoid a broken heart and therefore often try to prevent everyone involved from feeling broken later on. There is nothing wrong in it. Sometimes just because you’re attracted to her doesn’t mean she’s a good match, and allowing her to skip the whole chapter is actually a great service to you. Don’t forget that the women have had classroom sessions on everything relevant to the situation since they were in fifth grade, so their knowledge base tends to be a little deeper than ours in some areas. Do not be intimidated or fill your head with doubts. Just keep going.
It can be so easy to let the nerves show. Being cool is often a game of being comfortable with your discomfort. When you can understand that your discomfort is yours, that she is uncomfortable too, and that your discomfort will pass, you will be better able to put it away and appear to be Timberland collected in a beach house. By God, if you can survive all that bullshit you spewed out in your youth, you can survive being shot by a woman. She doesn’t need to shock your night.
Some like to play with the law of averages. They often take a chance on numerous women in one night to find someone who finds them interesting. If you’re simply looking for a one-night stand, this might have some potential for you. If you’re looking for something a little deeper and a little more meaningful, you’ll want to be more selective.
This doesn’t mean that you can’t or shouldn’t practice the art of engaging women in conversation with you. In many cases, practicing your opening line or lines in real life can give you a boost and build your confidence. That way, by the time you finally do see the woman you’re interested in, approaching her doesn’t have to be an exercise in personal humiliation or risky business. Instead, it can just be an approach with class, style, and the invisible inner shakes.
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